"Not All Men"

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It's more than likely that you have encountered the phrase "not all men" at some point in your life.

 "Not all men" is an often recycled phrase peddled by men to refute the controversial issues of toxic masculinity, gender-based violence and sexism. 

"Not all men" seems to be a simple enough statement because at the core, it's true - not all men are responsible for doing the horrible things that women experience on a daily basis, however, the reality is there are a lot of men who do behave that way, especially when no one is looking.

It's true that not all men harm women, but do all men work to ensure their fellow man does not harm women? Do they interrupt troubling language and behaviors, or do they engage and promote them? Do they have conversations with their sons revolving around women's safety, consent and treating women respectfully? Do they warn their daughters? Do they lead by example? Not only in front of, but behind their children’s backs? Are all men interested in our safety? The answer is “no”.

Saying "not all men" doesn't eliminate the problem, it actually creates a few more. Even though it acknowledges that more serious problems like sexual violence are real, the speaker shifts the focus to protecting his own character rather than listening to women's concerns.

There is more than a fair amount of tolerance amongst men when it comes to sexist jokes, disrespectful remarks, sizing women up, constantly critiquing our looks, our age, our bodies and our minds, even when their useless assessments are not called upon for review. Now that's not to say there aren't women out there looking for that exact attention, but "not all women" are, I’ll even take it a step further and say "not most women", and the women who are, are usually deficient in self-worth or subjugated to some sort of past abuse, but that's a whole 'nother blog. So as innocent as "boys will be boys” behavior may seem, much like micro-aggressive racist digs are subtle yet no less racist, micro-aggressive sexist comments are still sexist. 

Sadly, at the end of the day this blog is more of a rant because in my heart of hearts I don't think things will ever change due to defensiveness, denial and a climate of silence for fear of reprisal when it comes to the status quo. The biggest challenge is that sexism is much like a virus in that it has developed an immunity over it's centuries of existence, we've become desensitized and apathetic to the side-effects, but we can only stop it's spread by being cognizant, by not endorsing it, and by teaching our young ones. It takes real balls to challenge a culture and to morally disengage. 

Though this post is predominantly about men, it starts with women, we are already strong, it's about digging into the strength that has always existed within us and changing the way the world perceives our strength. It’s about taking our power back and knowing that we don’t have to settle, we get to decide what we will and won’t accept; whether it pertains to love or dealing with sexism in or outside of the workforce. We owe it to ourselves to be in relationships and situations that don't involve gaslighting, degradation or silencing our voices. You’re only draining  yourself by accepting shit you’re not ok with.

Bottom line is; sexism, sexual violence and rape culture are all components of an intricately tangled web. Sexual violence against women remains devastatingly persuasive being that 1 in 3 women have experienced physical or sexual violence at some point in life and the numbers have not changed over the last decade, the sad truth is, ALL women have experienced some level of sexism. Every.single.one.of.us.

32 Disheartening Sexual Assault Stats for 2021

Wishing you Love, Respect, Safety and Equality ~

Concerned Hippie Chick